just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
