Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize