You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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