ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
