Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
