I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
