You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
