Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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