look no pants
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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