so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
