She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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