just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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