literally had 100 drinks last night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
