So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
