his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
