I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
