do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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