planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
