hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
