Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
