____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
