That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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