Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize