The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize