tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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