I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
