You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
