so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize