the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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