moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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