I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
