were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
