It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
