i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
