Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
