I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize