I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
