My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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