OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
