why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
