happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
