dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
