from now on my penis is your penis
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
