I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My life is pants optional.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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