Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize