Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
