is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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