I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
