I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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