I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
