there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
