Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
