no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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