I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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