He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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