i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
