I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
