This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
