I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
