I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
