no, he came in my armpit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's rum buckets o'clock
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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