I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
