I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
