Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
