When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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