I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
